This experiment we are venturing on to rid our home of entitlement is hitting very close to my heart because as much as I see it in my kids I see it all the more in myself.
I'm greedy, covetous, immature, selfish and lazy. I want my own way when I want it and how I want it and because I am an "adult" I've learned to mask it in a socially acceptable way and declare it as "my thing".... Oh the disgusting nature of my own humanity.
We just recently had very dear lifetime friends visit us. They have just returned from living in a 3rd world country where they resided for more than 5 years working and living with the native people. When they moved there they were going with their two small boys, the youngest turned a year old on the plane ride over. They were leaving a very successful job, many, many friends, and family, a comfortable home, beautiful furnishings, a nice car and relative comfort. They were moving their family of 4 to a country that lacked almost all of those things. They were going where it was not uncommon to face disease, malaria was rampant in parts of this nation. The lack of running water and electricity was common, and physical safety from thieves and dangerous situations was not guaranteed.
They were literally laying down their lives for something they felt was worth dying for. They were truly living.
While they were there they didn't live in a posh apartment, or enjoy luxury, they lived with the native people. They ate like the natives ate and lived like they lived. Their children were not immune to the environment, they faced life threatening illnesses manifesting in their bodies. At times it was a true struggle of life and death, literally! You might expect their kids to come out of something like that and be scarred, but the life we saw coming out of this family was powerful. The children were confident in their parents love. They were very loving toward each other. The husband and wife were solid in their relationship, but even more importantly they were made strong in their trials.
Our kids face a different life. A life we as a family have been called to. Our life will look different but if I may be so bold, we are facing a giant of our own here in America and although it looks quite different from the giant they faced overseas, it is just as deadly.
As a new mom I thought it was my job to protect my child from as many of the hard knocks of life as I could. I thought that seeing my child struggle was a bad thing and I needed to smooth out the road ahead of him to make sure he didn't have to struggle the way I had struggled. Now some of that is true. A good decision often makes our lives easier than a bad decision, but like just about everything we take it too far. I don't want my child to get hurt so I make them wear elbow, knee, shin and head gear so that he won't hurt something, scrape something or break something. We jump in and settle every dispute between siblings and friends so that no one gets their feelings hurt.
Personally I think a skinned knee and some "skinned feelings" are far better teachers than any "protection" I could offer as a mom.
I want to propose that just as a butterfly must struggle out of it's cocoon in order to work up the "muscle" it needs to fly once it's out, we as parents need to have a healthy sense of pulling back and letting our kids make mistakes, get hurt, and banged up. I propose that these daily struggles in the safe environment of a healthy home is more than just good, it's essential!
One way we do this at our house is by presenting choices at every single turn. Everyone who can walk and speak in our home gets to make a million decisions everyday and if I make all those decisions for them they will be great followers, but poor leaders. "Do you want ice cream or brownies?" "Do you want to go to bed now or in 5 minutes?" "Do you want to sweep or vacuum?" "Do you want to decide or do you want me to decide for you?" We have found that it not only limits my work, but it causes my kids to begin thinking for themselves. It takes the drill sergeant roll out of my repertoire and returns me to the place of helping grow thinkers instead of robots.
I want my kids to learn how to fly and to help others fly around them.
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