Grief comes in stages. Sweet grace from the moment we needed to say goodbye but the dull ache we have felt for weeks is turned into a throbbing pain as the reality of the "new normal" sets in and his chair stands empty. His quiet prayers for his grandchildren go unspoken now waiting for the next generation to pick up the mantle of intercessor.
The Bible says in the book of Matthew, "blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted". I never understood that verse. It seems very obvious to me... sure, if I mourn, I will be comforted, I will pick up the pieces, I will move on. However, I realized this truth that is a reality for me isn't necessarily a reality for many. It takes vulnerability to allow yourself to be comforted. I've seen people who have experienced bad things that never, ever recover. They wear their pain like a badge and grow bitter, resentful and impossible to live with. Then I've seen people live through the most impossible circumstances imaginable and they come through it and not only live, but learn to love again, and truly be alive! What is the difference? I'm convinced it was the process of loving, losing, grieving, and then being comforted.
The feeling in our hearts after Dad died was similar to the physical pain that happens when you wear a bandage on an open wound too long and the bandage actually sticks to the wound and once removed, makes the wound bleed a new and have to heal again. There was a ripping that happened when we released Dad to the LORD. In fact our hearts and lives were ripped in a way that will never be the same again. It hurts! A LOT! Do I want to hide from the pain, sometimes. Do I want to risk loving again, yes! Part of me wants to cling tightly to my husband, mom, kids and family members. I want to be with them all the time as if my very presence will keep them here. Then the Holy Spirit slowly pries my fingers off and lovingly reminds me that I'm delusional and only He can protect like that.
Then He reminds me of Psalm 62 "one thing have you spoken, two things have I heard. That you O God are loving and that you O God are strong." If we trust the LORD because He is loving only we will still live with the delusion that we are the protectors. If we only understand that He is strong then we will be prone to blame him for the bad things that happen declaring his goodness is tainted with a sick power trip. One without the other will only cause us to become disheartened. BUT, when those two truths are married, we become an unstoppable force with the LORD.
The world hates pain. We dull pain in every way imaginable because pain is horrible. But God designed pain to be married to love. He made it so the one goes with the other. With great love comes great pain. Love and Pain are the two strongest emotions of a human being. They both indicate that we are alive. I never understood why someone would start cutting themselves. Now I know that some of these people who hurt themselves intentionally are so full of the dulling influences of our culture and so devoid of true love that the next strongest sensation is pain, it hurts but at least they feel alive.
Many sabotage love at every turn because in essence they are afraid to feel pain. As a result they never truly live and experience the fullness of life. They settle for an imitation that isn't even close to the real thing. This is one reason abortion is so common in our culture.
I admit I'm not a fan of pain. I'd rather not hurt. But in this season where grief is my cloak, I wear it not for attention, not because I'm morbid, but because I loved well and was loved well in return.
True love feels pain.
Our pain is good because it means we have experienced the closest thing to heaven on earth.
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Where do I begin?
There are weeks where we live day in and day out and nothing seems like it will ever change. Same old routine, same schedule, same meals to plan, same plans to fulfill.... Then there are those days that are game changers. We usually don't get to know they are coming or even that they have arrived until they are upon us and we find out what we are really made up of.
We will all face these kinds of days. Days that start out ordinary, just getting up, beginning the routine but eventually a wrench is thrown in the plans and the day quickly shifts to something different, something FAR from ordinary. Those are the days where you will quickly find out if you are a wise steward of your inner life or a foolish one.
One of those days happened to me just 11 short days ago. My Dad has battled cancer very bravely for 7 years and although he was declining we were still filled with great faith that the end of the battle would look a certain way. When a battle ends and it looks quite different than you imagined it would, what do you do? Where do you put your feet? Who do you look to?
Just 11 short days ago I got to sit beside my Dad as he was quickly and painlessly ushered into the presence of the LORD. I have never been with someone when they died. Never seen the process end so suddenly. I can say without reservation it was the single most amazing experience of my entire life. Too precious to discuss in detail here.
Although the battle ended much differently than I imagined we were struck with the amazing peace we had. There is something incredibly wonderful about seeing someone who was suffering so terribly for so long, peacefully walk from this world into the next.
Several things have happened in this process.
First of all, I have never felt such a clear shift from one season to the next as I did that very moment. It was as real as if I had seen a hand move to the page of my life and turn it, writing the title of the next chapter on the blank sheet in front of me. I knew we were facing something brand new and nothing would ever be the same. Not good, not bad just very, very different.
Second, there were scripture verses that came to life in ways I've never experienced. Ones I had memorized and quoted at different times all my life that became more real than ever. "The peace of God that passes understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus"... That scripture became like a blanket wrapped around us.
Third there was a sweet sense of peace because the LORD walked with us so closely. As the battle for Dad's health began intensifying I told the LORD, no matter how this battle ends, I don't want to have any regrets. So I made some intentional decisions in that season that kept me constantly living in the moment, pressing in for healing for my Dad. When it was all said and done I was able to say with intense peace that I have no regrets because we lived everyday in relationship with the LORD.
Heaven is more real to me now than ever before. I can't explain it. I just know I want to go, when it's time and I want to take as many people with me as I can. I find myself thinking of things that were foremost in my mind a day or two ago have now moved off the front burner and been replaced by things that didn't occupy more than a passing thought before.
We are on a journey. One that has just begun. It's thrilling, uncertain, overwhelming, but ends in the best possible way if we choose to do it right. Everything has been flipped and turned and scattered and rearranged and it is the sweetest chaos I've ever experienced.
We will all face these kinds of days. Days that start out ordinary, just getting up, beginning the routine but eventually a wrench is thrown in the plans and the day quickly shifts to something different, something FAR from ordinary. Those are the days where you will quickly find out if you are a wise steward of your inner life or a foolish one.
One of those days happened to me just 11 short days ago. My Dad has battled cancer very bravely for 7 years and although he was declining we were still filled with great faith that the end of the battle would look a certain way. When a battle ends and it looks quite different than you imagined it would, what do you do? Where do you put your feet? Who do you look to?
Just 11 short days ago I got to sit beside my Dad as he was quickly and painlessly ushered into the presence of the LORD. I have never been with someone when they died. Never seen the process end so suddenly. I can say without reservation it was the single most amazing experience of my entire life. Too precious to discuss in detail here.
Although the battle ended much differently than I imagined we were struck with the amazing peace we had. There is something incredibly wonderful about seeing someone who was suffering so terribly for so long, peacefully walk from this world into the next.
Several things have happened in this process.
First of all, I have never felt such a clear shift from one season to the next as I did that very moment. It was as real as if I had seen a hand move to the page of my life and turn it, writing the title of the next chapter on the blank sheet in front of me. I knew we were facing something brand new and nothing would ever be the same. Not good, not bad just very, very different.
Second, there were scripture verses that came to life in ways I've never experienced. Ones I had memorized and quoted at different times all my life that became more real than ever. "The peace of God that passes understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus"... That scripture became like a blanket wrapped around us.
Third there was a sweet sense of peace because the LORD walked with us so closely. As the battle for Dad's health began intensifying I told the LORD, no matter how this battle ends, I don't want to have any regrets. So I made some intentional decisions in that season that kept me constantly living in the moment, pressing in for healing for my Dad. When it was all said and done I was able to say with intense peace that I have no regrets because we lived everyday in relationship with the LORD.
Heaven is more real to me now than ever before. I can't explain it. I just know I want to go, when it's time and I want to take as many people with me as I can. I find myself thinking of things that were foremost in my mind a day or two ago have now moved off the front burner and been replaced by things that didn't occupy more than a passing thought before.
We are on a journey. One that has just begun. It's thrilling, uncertain, overwhelming, but ends in the best possible way if we choose to do it right. Everything has been flipped and turned and scattered and rearranged and it is the sweetest chaos I've ever experienced.
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Baby Steps
I was hoping we could title this edition "epic, giant, huge, amazing, steps" but there aren't many moments like that in the lives of families that we get to say those words.
Our fast has ended and my kids are amazing. They learned everything I wanted them to learn. They now care for the house almost completely, they are all self sufficient, even my 11 month old and they are kind, respectful, diligent, thoughtful, compassionate, self less, perfect children that wake up longing to do everything they can to make the Burgess home peaceful and wonderful....
Oh yeah, that would be amazing. Then again, maybe not. Part of me wishes that this experiment caused that to be true, but then when I think about it, I realize part of the joy of being a parent is seeing these perfectly individual people become gradually more amazing each day. Their worth isn't measured by my idea of what they should be, but the joy is in the journey of discovering who they are and why God gave them to our family, because they will each add something epic, giant, huge and amazing to our family if we choose to embrace each others awesome-ness, warts and all.
The experiment itself was totally worth it!! We started out heading in one direction, but surprisingly ended up somewhere totally different.
Back at the beginning of the year when we began talking about doing this experiment our lives looked a certain way. We were living in relative peace, we noticed some troublesome patterns in our kids, and ourselves and we thought gallant thoughts and dreamed giant dreams about how to make ourselves better. Then the LORD stepped in and when we began the journey we thought we were headed north but we ended somewhere totally different.
When we began compassion was one of the issues we wanted to emphasize. We thought a 3rd world country would be a logical place to explore as an outlet for our experiment. As we got caught up in the daily in's and out's of the experiment another place of need began to arise and just like good sailors we had to adjust our sails to catch the wind of the season we are in.
You see, we began to see that compassion starts here at home. My Dad has been battling a giant for over 7 years now. He has bravely faced cancer, a giant that took his Dad home, and one that millions of others face every year in our world. When it attacks someone you don't know very well it's a shame, when it attacks someone close to you it becomes personal. Isaiah 58 says that a true fast is not just giving up food and being hungry, but actually doing something to help others (my paraphrase). One of the most important ways to fast is to "not turn away from your own flesh and blood"vs. 7. That seems pretty easy for most of us, but when your own flesh and blood is fighting something bigger than yourselves, something that has stolen millions of lives over the years.... it seems impossible. YET we still don't get to turn away.
So, we fight! We put on our compassion and we say "this seems impossible, but we won't back down, we fight!!!" What in the world does that look like???? Well for us, it looked like praying daily for my Dad. Not just Daniel and I, but bringing our kids into it. We believe the Word of God is powerful and effective, so we read the Word and proclaim scripture over my Dad. We believe we serve a good God, who is rich in compassion and mighty to deliver. We haven't seen cancer defeated very often, but we have seen it, so we grab a hold of those testimonies and we pray from a place of hope that causes our faith to grow. Our kids got it!!! They went after their grandpa's healing in prayer right along with us! Have we seen a full healing for my Dad? Not yet, but we aren't done! The fact is we were able to quiet the noise of our lives enough to go after something together as a family that was worth going after! That was unifying, it was compassion in action and it was epic.
Now I know what some of you are saying. "What if it doesn't work, what if you don't see the fulfillment of your prayers?" I still say, it was well worth it!!!! We aren't telling our kids this will look a certain way, but it is breeding hope in my parents, in my kids and in people that are watching. When hope is born we always win because it causes each day to be easier than it would without it! When the next battle comes we will stand up again and say, "we serve a good God who is rich in compassion and mighty to deliver" and we declare that the outcome isn't in our hands but His. Success isn't measured by our standards. I know exactly what will happen if we don't pray. You never know what could happen if you do!
We learned as a family what it was like to go after something together. The Bible says that "one can put a thousand to flight and two can put ten thousand to flight". There is something really important about the issue of agreement that is so world changing. NOTHING gets done in this world for good or bad without agreement. My kids felt the joy of going after something as a family and they really got it! The battle isn't over. We aren't fasting food or TV anymore, but we also aren't ever going to go back to how we used to be. We know what it looks like to fight for something worth fighting for. Our next battle may be even more personal, I want my kids to know they CAN do something instead of feeling powerless. The world tells us we can't do anything, the Bible tells us something different.
We've given ourselves a mindset that declares success isn't the outcome, but the process. When the doctors gave up on my Dad's case we started saying "alright, who can we call to help us?" We can't just throw this in God's "lap" and say heal him or else I'm going to be offended, hurt and angry at you. He welcomes us to agree with His Word and partner with Him in this battle. I know He doesn't "need" us, but He's chosen to use us and I love that! So if you develop a need that is too big for the doctors and they send you home to die peacefully saying "hope you have an easy time of it..." we want to be ones that you call for hope. Our world looks really different as a family when we clothe ourselves with compassion and say, "let's do something about that!"
Hope is born and that is always a success.
Our fast has ended and my kids are amazing. They learned everything I wanted them to learn. They now care for the house almost completely, they are all self sufficient, even my 11 month old and they are kind, respectful, diligent, thoughtful, compassionate, self less, perfect children that wake up longing to do everything they can to make the Burgess home peaceful and wonderful....
Oh yeah, that would be amazing. Then again, maybe not. Part of me wishes that this experiment caused that to be true, but then when I think about it, I realize part of the joy of being a parent is seeing these perfectly individual people become gradually more amazing each day. Their worth isn't measured by my idea of what they should be, but the joy is in the journey of discovering who they are and why God gave them to our family, because they will each add something epic, giant, huge and amazing to our family if we choose to embrace each others awesome-ness, warts and all.
The experiment itself was totally worth it!! We started out heading in one direction, but surprisingly ended up somewhere totally different.
Back at the beginning of the year when we began talking about doing this experiment our lives looked a certain way. We were living in relative peace, we noticed some troublesome patterns in our kids, and ourselves and we thought gallant thoughts and dreamed giant dreams about how to make ourselves better. Then the LORD stepped in and when we began the journey we thought we were headed north but we ended somewhere totally different.
When we began compassion was one of the issues we wanted to emphasize. We thought a 3rd world country would be a logical place to explore as an outlet for our experiment. As we got caught up in the daily in's and out's of the experiment another place of need began to arise and just like good sailors we had to adjust our sails to catch the wind of the season we are in.
You see, we began to see that compassion starts here at home. My Dad has been battling a giant for over 7 years now. He has bravely faced cancer, a giant that took his Dad home, and one that millions of others face every year in our world. When it attacks someone you don't know very well it's a shame, when it attacks someone close to you it becomes personal. Isaiah 58 says that a true fast is not just giving up food and being hungry, but actually doing something to help others (my paraphrase). One of the most important ways to fast is to "not turn away from your own flesh and blood"vs. 7. That seems pretty easy for most of us, but when your own flesh and blood is fighting something bigger than yourselves, something that has stolen millions of lives over the years.... it seems impossible. YET we still don't get to turn away.
So, we fight! We put on our compassion and we say "this seems impossible, but we won't back down, we fight!!!" What in the world does that look like???? Well for us, it looked like praying daily for my Dad. Not just Daniel and I, but bringing our kids into it. We believe the Word of God is powerful and effective, so we read the Word and proclaim scripture over my Dad. We believe we serve a good God, who is rich in compassion and mighty to deliver. We haven't seen cancer defeated very often, but we have seen it, so we grab a hold of those testimonies and we pray from a place of hope that causes our faith to grow. Our kids got it!!! They went after their grandpa's healing in prayer right along with us! Have we seen a full healing for my Dad? Not yet, but we aren't done! The fact is we were able to quiet the noise of our lives enough to go after something together as a family that was worth going after! That was unifying, it was compassion in action and it was epic.
Now I know what some of you are saying. "What if it doesn't work, what if you don't see the fulfillment of your prayers?" I still say, it was well worth it!!!! We aren't telling our kids this will look a certain way, but it is breeding hope in my parents, in my kids and in people that are watching. When hope is born we always win because it causes each day to be easier than it would without it! When the next battle comes we will stand up again and say, "we serve a good God who is rich in compassion and mighty to deliver" and we declare that the outcome isn't in our hands but His. Success isn't measured by our standards. I know exactly what will happen if we don't pray. You never know what could happen if you do!
We learned as a family what it was like to go after something together. The Bible says that "one can put a thousand to flight and two can put ten thousand to flight". There is something really important about the issue of agreement that is so world changing. NOTHING gets done in this world for good or bad without agreement. My kids felt the joy of going after something as a family and they really got it! The battle isn't over. We aren't fasting food or TV anymore, but we also aren't ever going to go back to how we used to be. We know what it looks like to fight for something worth fighting for. Our next battle may be even more personal, I want my kids to know they CAN do something instead of feeling powerless. The world tells us we can't do anything, the Bible tells us something different.
We've given ourselves a mindset that declares success isn't the outcome, but the process. When the doctors gave up on my Dad's case we started saying "alright, who can we call to help us?" We can't just throw this in God's "lap" and say heal him or else I'm going to be offended, hurt and angry at you. He welcomes us to agree with His Word and partner with Him in this battle. I know He doesn't "need" us, but He's chosen to use us and I love that! So if you develop a need that is too big for the doctors and they send you home to die peacefully saying "hope you have an easy time of it..." we want to be ones that you call for hope. Our world looks really different as a family when we clothe ourselves with compassion and say, "let's do something about that!"
Hope is born and that is always a success.
Monday, July 15, 2013
Midway
We have reached the halfway point through our experiment. I began by saying that I would update my blog weekly to let you know how we are doing, but obviously that hasn't happened.
Our experiment to begin ridding our family of the entitlement mentality began two weeks ago. We are starting at the very basic level of everyday comforts. The food we eat, the entertainment we give ourselves to the "rights" we feel are ours simply because our culture declares they are ours. My main goal in this isn't to take away comfort so we can associate with another culture that is less affluent than ours, that is one aspect, but to open our eyes as a family to all that we have and the mindset we have settled for that gives our bodies comfort but takes away from us in so many other ways.
Here are some of my observations.
First of all entertainment in the form of screen time has been eliminated almost completely. No movies, no TV shows, no DS gametime, no computer time. Now there are exceptions. (We listen to music through our Wii on our Youtube playlists and some of those come with pictures etc.) The first thing I noticed is that our home became instantly more peaceful. Neither my 10 year old or my 11 year old are asking for it. They are old enough to understand the journey we are on and they are willing to go there with us. Not only is the noise gone from the entertainment devices, but my children are actually more peaceful.
One of the main purposes here is to cause our minds to become more creative. I wanted the entertainment devices to be replaced with imagination, creativity that comes from using their brains. It took a week but it worked!!!
I am calling the first week detox week. This is what it looked like:
- First few days were painfully boring. They couldn't figure out what to do with that extra time. Lots of whining. "I'm bored" was met with the response, "ok, you find something to do or I will find something for you to do." I explained the list of jobs I had in mind and they quickly decided they would find their own fun.
- The fun they found to do at first was very minimal. They were shocked at how long the hours were and how short lived the fun they came up with lasted.
- The first few days were hard but by the end of the third day there was so much more peace in our house. The kids were playing together more, lego creations became more elaborate. My son that isn't drawn naturally to being creative with legos or art became more entertained by them and able to sit and create more freely. By the end of yesterday, two weeks into our experiment they played for about 4 hours with just creative game after creative game, almost no fighting, lots of laughter, they were able to include their sister in some ways instead of being impatient with her level of play. I've seen the friendship level increase between my kids that hasn't been there in a long time.
The second week was pretty loose in terms of our diet. My family had a family reunion with my brother and his family coming from Virginia for several days. We enjoyed lots of food and family time. We knew at the beginning of this experiment that this was coming and that we would take a break from the limited diet. We have been eating mostly rice, some pasta, tons of veggies and fruit and a limited amount of meat, but not sugar, processed food or sugary drinks. Even with just one week on that diet and our bodies reacted poorly to sugar when we enjoyed some at our reunion. It was eye opening for my kids to feel poorly after eating what would have been normal for us before. I found both boys limiting themselves after that realization which is exactly what we were hoping for.
The best part of what we've seen though isn't the self control they are exhibiting with food or the even the increase of sibling love, but the agreement we have seen in all three of our oldest kids. They see the value in this lifestyle. They have seen firsthand the value in doing something as a family and the peace it has brought- agreement, not because we told them to agree with us, but because they want to.
Agreement is the only way things get done. I didn't expect that to be the lesson we pull out of this experiment, but it is quickly becoming apparent that it is the number one benefit.
Each of us identify who we were created to be and then we find out who each other is and we weave our giftings and identities together into a tapestry called the Burgess family. We understand that who I was created to be needs the elements of who the others were created to be in order to be complete and vice versa, we can go a lot further together than we ever could by ourselves. That is agreement at it's core and that is why family is such a good idea.
Our experiment to begin ridding our family of the entitlement mentality began two weeks ago. We are starting at the very basic level of everyday comforts. The food we eat, the entertainment we give ourselves to the "rights" we feel are ours simply because our culture declares they are ours. My main goal in this isn't to take away comfort so we can associate with another culture that is less affluent than ours, that is one aspect, but to open our eyes as a family to all that we have and the mindset we have settled for that gives our bodies comfort but takes away from us in so many other ways.
Here are some of my observations.
First of all entertainment in the form of screen time has been eliminated almost completely. No movies, no TV shows, no DS gametime, no computer time. Now there are exceptions. (We listen to music through our Wii on our Youtube playlists and some of those come with pictures etc.) The first thing I noticed is that our home became instantly more peaceful. Neither my 10 year old or my 11 year old are asking for it. They are old enough to understand the journey we are on and they are willing to go there with us. Not only is the noise gone from the entertainment devices, but my children are actually more peaceful.
One of the main purposes here is to cause our minds to become more creative. I wanted the entertainment devices to be replaced with imagination, creativity that comes from using their brains. It took a week but it worked!!!
I am calling the first week detox week. This is what it looked like:
- First few days were painfully boring. They couldn't figure out what to do with that extra time. Lots of whining. "I'm bored" was met with the response, "ok, you find something to do or I will find something for you to do." I explained the list of jobs I had in mind and they quickly decided they would find their own fun.
- The fun they found to do at first was very minimal. They were shocked at how long the hours were and how short lived the fun they came up with lasted.
- The first few days were hard but by the end of the third day there was so much more peace in our house. The kids were playing together more, lego creations became more elaborate. My son that isn't drawn naturally to being creative with legos or art became more entertained by them and able to sit and create more freely. By the end of yesterday, two weeks into our experiment they played for about 4 hours with just creative game after creative game, almost no fighting, lots of laughter, they were able to include their sister in some ways instead of being impatient with her level of play. I've seen the friendship level increase between my kids that hasn't been there in a long time.
The second week was pretty loose in terms of our diet. My family had a family reunion with my brother and his family coming from Virginia for several days. We enjoyed lots of food and family time. We knew at the beginning of this experiment that this was coming and that we would take a break from the limited diet. We have been eating mostly rice, some pasta, tons of veggies and fruit and a limited amount of meat, but not sugar, processed food or sugary drinks. Even with just one week on that diet and our bodies reacted poorly to sugar when we enjoyed some at our reunion. It was eye opening for my kids to feel poorly after eating what would have been normal for us before. I found both boys limiting themselves after that realization which is exactly what we were hoping for.
The best part of what we've seen though isn't the self control they are exhibiting with food or the even the increase of sibling love, but the agreement we have seen in all three of our oldest kids. They see the value in this lifestyle. They have seen firsthand the value in doing something as a family and the peace it has brought- agreement, not because we told them to agree with us, but because they want to.
Agreement is the only way things get done. I didn't expect that to be the lesson we pull out of this experiment, but it is quickly becoming apparent that it is the number one benefit.
Each of us identify who we were created to be and then we find out who each other is and we weave our giftings and identities together into a tapestry called the Burgess family. We understand that who I was created to be needs the elements of who the others were created to be in order to be complete and vice versa, we can go a lot further together than we ever could by ourselves. That is agreement at it's core and that is why family is such a good idea.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
On our way
Well here we go! We've had so many of you ask "so how is the rice and beans experiment going".... :o) I have to say I'm surprised so many are interested, and to answer your questions, we started our month long mission to rid our home of entitlement yesterday and so far, it's going well :o)
We announced a couple months ago that we were going to be beginning this fast with our family and our intention was to begin sooner than this, but we have hit some speed bumps and so we are only now beginning.
First of all I want to tell you what we are doing and bring you up to speed on our adventure.
Several months ago we came to the painful conclusion that our home had an infestation of entitlement that hadn't just infected our children, but Daniel and I as well. We had bought into the lie that we need and deserve certain comforts all the time and that without them we had the right to go and get them, and if getting them wasn't possible then being miserable and irritable was our right.
So we began thinking and praying about what our family truly needed and we felt like we got a clear idea about how to help all of us have a better perspective on the life we were supposed to lead.
Daniel and I decided a missions trip for our family would be the perfect thing. We'd take the kids to a foreign country and they could see the poor and needy for themselves. They could see the kids that had been born into extreme poverty and were destined to live there their whole lives and probably die prematurely.
The country of Cambodia came up several different times in our recent experience. My niece just took a trip there to work with the poor for 2 weeks. We were also just made aware of an orphanage that is run by a foursquare missionary and we decided this would be a perfect experience.
Unfortunately for several reasons beyond our control our lives won't allow us to physically take a trip there right now so we decided that we would take the month and live like we would if we were in Cambodia on a missions trip.
Now for those of you who are truly a black and white personality you will see many, many holes in our experiment. Of course we are still going to live in our home, enjoy our beds, turn on the lights and use the toilets with toilet paper. We are going to drive our car and visit our library and bask in the warm Oregon weather without the hideous tropical insects. But we are going to deny ourselves many of the luxuries that we have access to in order to open our eyes to those who have less, much less than we do.
The way this will look:
- No screen time. We will listen to music, but no TV, no movies, no DS or Wii. No facebook. We will be checking our emails daily but only for contact purposes.
- Our original plan was a basic diet of beans and rice and whatever we could grow in our garden. Unfortunately we have had a pitifully cold spring and our garden is lacking.... extremely lacking, so we've had to adjust. One of our main goals originally was to save money to send us to Disneyland. After much research it doesn't seem that saving money will be a logical goal. Although our diet is limited, we will be buying all the fruit and veggies we can handle and since our garden isn't providing those for us, we will be purchasing them. Disneyland will have to wait until another year. We are not discouraged, only more purposeful.
- The boys will be reading more, practicing their God given gifts. Micah is an artist and will be spending time refining his art skills and learning more about the keyboard. Ethan will be practicing drums and exploring the world of photography.
- We are allowing leniency for special occasions. The kids will eat freely at other peoples homes when we go out. They will enjoy the 4th of July family reunion we have planned without restrictions and sampling at Costco is always a highlight. We want to be purposeful not strict.
Since we've been talking about this for so long the kids are ready. They were excited yesterday when we began and not only was the arguing and complaining minimal, but creativity increased, and so did compassion.
Our missions statement for this month is Isaiah 58: 6-7 The Lord is speaking to a group of people that have been very "religious". They were told that they needed to fast but they basically just gave up food and continued to act like lunatics, fighting, and making a mess of things. The Lord said "no, I don't want you to just stop eating, that doesn't do anything." (my paraphrase) he said... this is the kind of fast I want you to do ...."loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke."... I want you to "share your food with the hungry, and provide the poor wanderer with shelter- when you see the naked, clothe him, and not turn away from your own flesh and blood."
We will be studying Cambodia and looking at some of the lives of the young children in the orphanage there. This ministry is doing just what Isaiah 58 says, they are feeding, clothing and sheltering these little ones and I can't think of any more practical way to help my kids realize what they have been given than to expose them to the lives of these precious little ones. We will be supporting this ministry as a family and praying for them and hopefully some day we will get to take a trip together as a family to do with our hands and feet what we can only do with our dollars and cents right now.
I plan to blog weekly about how the experiment is going. The ups and downs. The struggles and joys. So far I am more than impressed with the peace and tranquility that has descended on our home. Just turning off all the noise has caused a greater sense of peace and I love seeing my kids growing in creativity.
Here we go. Our motto this month and for the rest of our lives is something we got from our pastor a couple months ago..... "Do what is RIGHT not what is EASY"
We announced a couple months ago that we were going to be beginning this fast with our family and our intention was to begin sooner than this, but we have hit some speed bumps and so we are only now beginning.
First of all I want to tell you what we are doing and bring you up to speed on our adventure.
Several months ago we came to the painful conclusion that our home had an infestation of entitlement that hadn't just infected our children, but Daniel and I as well. We had bought into the lie that we need and deserve certain comforts all the time and that without them we had the right to go and get them, and if getting them wasn't possible then being miserable and irritable was our right.
So we began thinking and praying about what our family truly needed and we felt like we got a clear idea about how to help all of us have a better perspective on the life we were supposed to lead.
Daniel and I decided a missions trip for our family would be the perfect thing. We'd take the kids to a foreign country and they could see the poor and needy for themselves. They could see the kids that had been born into extreme poverty and were destined to live there their whole lives and probably die prematurely.
The country of Cambodia came up several different times in our recent experience. My niece just took a trip there to work with the poor for 2 weeks. We were also just made aware of an orphanage that is run by a foursquare missionary and we decided this would be a perfect experience.
Unfortunately for several reasons beyond our control our lives won't allow us to physically take a trip there right now so we decided that we would take the month and live like we would if we were in Cambodia on a missions trip.
Now for those of you who are truly a black and white personality you will see many, many holes in our experiment. Of course we are still going to live in our home, enjoy our beds, turn on the lights and use the toilets with toilet paper. We are going to drive our car and visit our library and bask in the warm Oregon weather without the hideous tropical insects. But we are going to deny ourselves many of the luxuries that we have access to in order to open our eyes to those who have less, much less than we do.
The way this will look:
- No screen time. We will listen to music, but no TV, no movies, no DS or Wii. No facebook. We will be checking our emails daily but only for contact purposes.
- Our original plan was a basic diet of beans and rice and whatever we could grow in our garden. Unfortunately we have had a pitifully cold spring and our garden is lacking.... extremely lacking, so we've had to adjust. One of our main goals originally was to save money to send us to Disneyland. After much research it doesn't seem that saving money will be a logical goal. Although our diet is limited, we will be buying all the fruit and veggies we can handle and since our garden isn't providing those for us, we will be purchasing them. Disneyland will have to wait until another year. We are not discouraged, only more purposeful.
- The boys will be reading more, practicing their God given gifts. Micah is an artist and will be spending time refining his art skills and learning more about the keyboard. Ethan will be practicing drums and exploring the world of photography.
- We are allowing leniency for special occasions. The kids will eat freely at other peoples homes when we go out. They will enjoy the 4th of July family reunion we have planned without restrictions and sampling at Costco is always a highlight. We want to be purposeful not strict.
Since we've been talking about this for so long the kids are ready. They were excited yesterday when we began and not only was the arguing and complaining minimal, but creativity increased, and so did compassion.
Our missions statement for this month is Isaiah 58: 6-7 The Lord is speaking to a group of people that have been very "religious". They were told that they needed to fast but they basically just gave up food and continued to act like lunatics, fighting, and making a mess of things. The Lord said "no, I don't want you to just stop eating, that doesn't do anything." (my paraphrase) he said... this is the kind of fast I want you to do ...."loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke."... I want you to "share your food with the hungry, and provide the poor wanderer with shelter- when you see the naked, clothe him, and not turn away from your own flesh and blood."
We will be studying Cambodia and looking at some of the lives of the young children in the orphanage there. This ministry is doing just what Isaiah 58 says, they are feeding, clothing and sheltering these little ones and I can't think of any more practical way to help my kids realize what they have been given than to expose them to the lives of these precious little ones. We will be supporting this ministry as a family and praying for them and hopefully some day we will get to take a trip together as a family to do with our hands and feet what we can only do with our dollars and cents right now.
I plan to blog weekly about how the experiment is going. The ups and downs. The struggles and joys. So far I am more than impressed with the peace and tranquility that has descended on our home. Just turning off all the noise has caused a greater sense of peace and I love seeing my kids growing in creativity.
Here we go. Our motto this month and for the rest of our lives is something we got from our pastor a couple months ago..... "Do what is RIGHT not what is EASY"
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Please.... fence me in!
My house has a really nice fence, but only in the backyard. It's tall and sturdy and keeps us from curious neighbors and stray dogs. I love my fence.
My front yard, however, lacks a fence.... it also lacks grass in large patches, but that is mostly because there is no fence. You see the neighbor kids love our yard because it's a great place to play football, so they've worn down the grass. There are days where I will drive around and drool over beautiful homes with sweet little fences that clearly mark their boundaries and admire their luscious grass and sigh....
I love fences.
We used to live in a neighborhood that had common grounds throughout. No fences, anywhere. It caused a beautiful open feel to the neighborhood and really nice people came through once a week to mow our lawn. It had it's perks, but if you wanted to grow a garden you were basically out of luck unless you got your own planters. Telling our kids to go play in the yard got tricky too. Where the boundary lines began and ended were totally obscure and up for debate. On good days it was strange on bad days it was troublesome, especially if your neighbor didn't want your kids playing in their yard.
I heard of an experiment done a while back on elementary aged children. They sent the children out to play on a playground without a fence and no clear boundary lines, the outcome was very interesting. The children tended to congregate toward the school or in the center of the playground. Very few wanted to wander to the edges.
Fences mark safety.
In ancient times when our ancestors were establishing a new land they would mark their land with stones. Deuteronomy even lays out the punishment if someone were to move a boundary stone. The use of the singular in this scripture causes me to think that it was nothing more than four stones marking the four corners of ones property. In times of peace I'm sure that was all that was needed. As time went on however the people began inhabiting lands that were in the midst of their enemies and so their simple boundary stones became insufficient in keeping them safe. The stones became high, thick walls with barred gates that were virtually impenetrable. Whole cities were surrounded by these walls and they were very effective in keeping the inhabitants safe.
All of us have boundary stones around our lives. Every single relationship you have has a boundary. Some boundaries are simply stones that mark your comfort zone. Those you love the most and are closest to you know those stones well and will respect them and love you within those boundaries.
There are other relationships that require a fence.
Some fences are short and you can see over the top of them and have a decent conversation around them. They don't keep out prying eyes, but they do require a little more effort to cross.
Then there is the tall fence you can't see over with a locking gate. One can only gain access by asking the other to unlock the gate from the inside. These fences are more common and I think most of us have these fences around most of our relationships.
Then there is the wall. The high, thick wall with barbed wire and armed guards. These are also necessary. Hopefully not as common.
Each relationship will have a constant re-evaluation of it's boundaries. Some may require a smaller fence as time goes on. Unfortunately the opposite is true as well.
Now if you are a healthy person you take good care of your boundary markers. You foster your relationships and are clear about where your boundaries are and where they are not. But many times our boundaries fall into disrepair and it becomes very unclear to others as well as ourselves where our boundaries are. When this happens we feel very out of control and quite easily overwhelmed. No one knows where your boundaries are so they may accidentally step over the line or stub their toe on a hidden marker and cause distress to the relationship unintentionally.
Learning about healthy boundaries requires clear communication.... sometimes.
I'm teaching my three year old about creating her own healthy boundaries. There are two elements to this task with kids. Understanding that they need proper instruction as to what a healthy boundary even is is key, but letting them express those boundaries in an individual and healthy way is such an important element in raising healthy, creative, thinking individuals.
Grace has a very clear "I do it myself" boundary. Something neither of my boys had. I cherish this about her. Today her "I do it myself" attitude came out with her princess dress on backwards. I had to decide if I would cross that boundary line and "fix" it or let her sweet independence shine through and protect our relationship enough to let it be. I decided on the latter. I want her to know I care more about the fact that she did it herself than I do about looking like the most together mom. After informing her that it was backwards and her shoes were on the wrong feet she politely told me she was ok with that... I got to be ok with that too.
There is another element to boundaries. Psalm 16 says "Your boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places"... this indicates that the LORD marks our boundary lines for us too. Children have to be taught where the boundaries are. If they aren't taught they will make unclear, irrational, and unhealthy boundaries. We've all seen that way too often. Many parents fall victim to the lie that clear boundaries for our kids creates clone like children and in order to foster their "free spirit" we need to just let them come up with all their own boundaries, eventually.... the illustration of the fenced playground is a clear picture of how unprotected that makes kids feel.
The balance between teaching clear boundaries and letting them figure it out is such a sweet part of the parent / child relationship. Just as our Heavenly Father marks some things very clearly and others he lets us figure out... what better teacher is trial and error.
There are parts of me that wishes He would lay out every decision I have to make and just tell me what to do everytime. He graciously says "I don't know what do you think you should do?" After I freak out and express my fear of making the wrong decision I realize as a loving Heavenly Father he is letting me grow up and I have to trust his silence as much as his instruction.
Sometimes wisdom is loud and clear.... Sometimes it is quietly watching in anticipation as we take a step of faith and trust the silent, watchful eye of our loving Father.
My front yard, however, lacks a fence.... it also lacks grass in large patches, but that is mostly because there is no fence. You see the neighbor kids love our yard because it's a great place to play football, so they've worn down the grass. There are days where I will drive around and drool over beautiful homes with sweet little fences that clearly mark their boundaries and admire their luscious grass and sigh....
I love fences.
We used to live in a neighborhood that had common grounds throughout. No fences, anywhere. It caused a beautiful open feel to the neighborhood and really nice people came through once a week to mow our lawn. It had it's perks, but if you wanted to grow a garden you were basically out of luck unless you got your own planters. Telling our kids to go play in the yard got tricky too. Where the boundary lines began and ended were totally obscure and up for debate. On good days it was strange on bad days it was troublesome, especially if your neighbor didn't want your kids playing in their yard.
I heard of an experiment done a while back on elementary aged children. They sent the children out to play on a playground without a fence and no clear boundary lines, the outcome was very interesting. The children tended to congregate toward the school or in the center of the playground. Very few wanted to wander to the edges.
Fences mark safety.
In ancient times when our ancestors were establishing a new land they would mark their land with stones. Deuteronomy even lays out the punishment if someone were to move a boundary stone. The use of the singular in this scripture causes me to think that it was nothing more than four stones marking the four corners of ones property. In times of peace I'm sure that was all that was needed. As time went on however the people began inhabiting lands that were in the midst of their enemies and so their simple boundary stones became insufficient in keeping them safe. The stones became high, thick walls with barred gates that were virtually impenetrable. Whole cities were surrounded by these walls and they were very effective in keeping the inhabitants safe.
All of us have boundary stones around our lives. Every single relationship you have has a boundary. Some boundaries are simply stones that mark your comfort zone. Those you love the most and are closest to you know those stones well and will respect them and love you within those boundaries.
There are other relationships that require a fence.
Some fences are short and you can see over the top of them and have a decent conversation around them. They don't keep out prying eyes, but they do require a little more effort to cross.
Then there is the tall fence you can't see over with a locking gate. One can only gain access by asking the other to unlock the gate from the inside. These fences are more common and I think most of us have these fences around most of our relationships.
Then there is the wall. The high, thick wall with barbed wire and armed guards. These are also necessary. Hopefully not as common.
Each relationship will have a constant re-evaluation of it's boundaries. Some may require a smaller fence as time goes on. Unfortunately the opposite is true as well.
Now if you are a healthy person you take good care of your boundary markers. You foster your relationships and are clear about where your boundaries are and where they are not. But many times our boundaries fall into disrepair and it becomes very unclear to others as well as ourselves where our boundaries are. When this happens we feel very out of control and quite easily overwhelmed. No one knows where your boundaries are so they may accidentally step over the line or stub their toe on a hidden marker and cause distress to the relationship unintentionally.
Learning about healthy boundaries requires clear communication.... sometimes.
I'm teaching my three year old about creating her own healthy boundaries. There are two elements to this task with kids. Understanding that they need proper instruction as to what a healthy boundary even is is key, but letting them express those boundaries in an individual and healthy way is such an important element in raising healthy, creative, thinking individuals.
Grace has a very clear "I do it myself" boundary. Something neither of my boys had. I cherish this about her. Today her "I do it myself" attitude came out with her princess dress on backwards. I had to decide if I would cross that boundary line and "fix" it or let her sweet independence shine through and protect our relationship enough to let it be. I decided on the latter. I want her to know I care more about the fact that she did it herself than I do about looking like the most together mom. After informing her that it was backwards and her shoes were on the wrong feet she politely told me she was ok with that... I got to be ok with that too.
There is another element to boundaries. Psalm 16 says "Your boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places"... this indicates that the LORD marks our boundary lines for us too. Children have to be taught where the boundaries are. If they aren't taught they will make unclear, irrational, and unhealthy boundaries. We've all seen that way too often. Many parents fall victim to the lie that clear boundaries for our kids creates clone like children and in order to foster their "free spirit" we need to just let them come up with all their own boundaries, eventually.... the illustration of the fenced playground is a clear picture of how unprotected that makes kids feel.
The balance between teaching clear boundaries and letting them figure it out is such a sweet part of the parent / child relationship. Just as our Heavenly Father marks some things very clearly and others he lets us figure out... what better teacher is trial and error.
There are parts of me that wishes He would lay out every decision I have to make and just tell me what to do everytime. He graciously says "I don't know what do you think you should do?" After I freak out and express my fear of making the wrong decision I realize as a loving Heavenly Father he is letting me grow up and I have to trust his silence as much as his instruction.
Sometimes wisdom is loud and clear.... Sometimes it is quietly watching in anticipation as we take a step of faith and trust the silent, watchful eye of our loving Father.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Confessions of a wannabe perfectionist
In our house we strive for perfection.
This may surprise many of you that know me because I am not a perfectionist in most senses of the word. My house is hardly ever totally clean, I will gaze at a dirty sink for days before I get fed up and clean it, I can turn a blind eye to the stains in my carpet for months and I don't even remember the last time my boys made their beds. As for ironing.... that happens maybe twice a year... sorry mom.
My house is not perfect, my appearance is not perfect, my children are not perfect, my husband is not perfect. I'm not striving for outward perfection but an inward perfection.
Let me explain.
We are facing quite a storm in our family. One of our most important members is battling for life. It's a battle that has lasted for years. The battle ebbs and flows. Sometimes it is extremely intense, sometimes we feel a bit of relief and can take a breath. Somedays it feels so intense like one wave after another pounding our boat.
Our story is not unique. Everyone faces storms. Guaranteed. If you are alive and have been alive for more than a few years you have faced storms. Some storms are bigger than others. Not many people like these kinds of storms. They are hard, exhausting, overwhelming and sometimes debilitating.
I've come to have a different view of these kinds of storms.
James 1 in my bible says: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds...."
Ummm.. Joy? Really James? Joy? Didn't you mean consider it pure torture? Maybe pure frustration? Pure hell? Surely you didn't mean Joy!
Yep, Joy!! I'm getting there.
As you read further in James 1 he explains why trials = joy.... "because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
This word trial is closely related to the word temptation but with a very important difference. I found this quote as I was studying this.
"The difference between a trial or test and a temptation is found in the testers motivations and expectation; the devil tempts that the believer might fail God's standards of faith and so sin; God tests that he might determine and sharpen true character, with no focus on making the believer fail."(zondervan exhaustive NIV concordance)
James goes on to say later in chapter one "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."
You see this word perfect can also be translated "mature". These storms are good!!! They are developing one of the most profoundly effective and important skills any human can acquire, perseverance!
To stay, remain, live, dwell, abide.... to have the ability to stick around, to see something through to the end, even if the end is no where in sight. It's the stuff of headlines. No one wants to stick around anymore. Hollywood has decided to immortalize these people whose lives are a picture of anything but perseverance, both on and off the screen. Their lives show it too! They are selfish, living from one shallow relationship to another. They are longing for pleasure but never truly finding it because they are deceived into thinking pleasure is found in serving yourself. They lack maturity in every way.
Then there are these stories of people who stuck around. Heroes! The ones that stayed with their spouse who was suffering a terrible disease that left them incapacitated. The soldier that wouldn't leave their dying friend on the battle field. The mother that chose life for her child that would be born without limbs even though she knew he would face incredible odds and now her full grown son is changing the world with his message of hope.
I'm not afraid of these storms anymore. They are hard, they are life draining, they are exhausting. BUT they are also perfecting! These trials are making us perfect and the Lord is using them to make us mature, to sharpen us so that when we come out the other side we will actually have something to give the ones around us who will surely face their own storms.
That is heroic, that is the perfection I am striving for.
This may surprise many of you that know me because I am not a perfectionist in most senses of the word. My house is hardly ever totally clean, I will gaze at a dirty sink for days before I get fed up and clean it, I can turn a blind eye to the stains in my carpet for months and I don't even remember the last time my boys made their beds. As for ironing.... that happens maybe twice a year... sorry mom.
My house is not perfect, my appearance is not perfect, my children are not perfect, my husband is not perfect. I'm not striving for outward perfection but an inward perfection.
Let me explain.
We are facing quite a storm in our family. One of our most important members is battling for life. It's a battle that has lasted for years. The battle ebbs and flows. Sometimes it is extremely intense, sometimes we feel a bit of relief and can take a breath. Somedays it feels so intense like one wave after another pounding our boat.
Our story is not unique. Everyone faces storms. Guaranteed. If you are alive and have been alive for more than a few years you have faced storms. Some storms are bigger than others. Not many people like these kinds of storms. They are hard, exhausting, overwhelming and sometimes debilitating.
I've come to have a different view of these kinds of storms.
James 1 in my bible says: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds...."
Ummm.. Joy? Really James? Joy? Didn't you mean consider it pure torture? Maybe pure frustration? Pure hell? Surely you didn't mean Joy!
Yep, Joy!! I'm getting there.
As you read further in James 1 he explains why trials = joy.... "because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
This word trial is closely related to the word temptation but with a very important difference. I found this quote as I was studying this.
"The difference between a trial or test and a temptation is found in the testers motivations and expectation; the devil tempts that the believer might fail God's standards of faith and so sin; God tests that he might determine and sharpen true character, with no focus on making the believer fail."(zondervan exhaustive NIV concordance)
James goes on to say later in chapter one "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."
You see this word perfect can also be translated "mature". These storms are good!!! They are developing one of the most profoundly effective and important skills any human can acquire, perseverance!
To stay, remain, live, dwell, abide.... to have the ability to stick around, to see something through to the end, even if the end is no where in sight. It's the stuff of headlines. No one wants to stick around anymore. Hollywood has decided to immortalize these people whose lives are a picture of anything but perseverance, both on and off the screen. Their lives show it too! They are selfish, living from one shallow relationship to another. They are longing for pleasure but never truly finding it because they are deceived into thinking pleasure is found in serving yourself. They lack maturity in every way.
Then there are these stories of people who stuck around. Heroes! The ones that stayed with their spouse who was suffering a terrible disease that left them incapacitated. The soldier that wouldn't leave their dying friend on the battle field. The mother that chose life for her child that would be born without limbs even though she knew he would face incredible odds and now her full grown son is changing the world with his message of hope.
I'm not afraid of these storms anymore. They are hard, they are life draining, they are exhausting. BUT they are also perfecting! These trials are making us perfect and the Lord is using them to make us mature, to sharpen us so that when we come out the other side we will actually have something to give the ones around us who will surely face their own storms.
That is heroic, that is the perfection I am striving for.
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