True Love

Grief comes in stages. Sweet grace from the moment we needed to say goodbye but the dull ache we have felt for weeks is turned into a throbbing pain as the reality of the "new normal" sets in and his chair stands empty. His quiet prayers for his grandchildren go unspoken now waiting for the next generation to pick up the mantle of intercessor.

The Bible says in the book of Matthew, "blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted". I never understood that verse. It seems very obvious to me... sure, if I mourn, I will be comforted, I will pick up the pieces, I will move on. However, I realized this truth that is a reality for me isn't necessarily a reality for many. It takes vulnerability to allow yourself to be comforted. I've seen people who have experienced bad things that never, ever recover. They wear their pain like a badge and grow bitter, resentful and impossible to live with. Then I've seen people live through the most impossible circumstances imaginable and they come through it and not only live, but learn to love again, and truly be alive! What is the difference? I'm convinced it was the process of loving, losing, grieving, and then being comforted.

The feeling in our hearts after Dad died was similar to the physical pain that happens when you wear a bandage on an open wound too long and the bandage actually sticks to the wound and once removed, makes the wound bleed a new and have to heal again. There was a ripping that happened when we released Dad to the LORD. In fact our hearts and lives were ripped in a way that will never be the same again. It hurts! A LOT! Do I want to hide from the pain, sometimes. Do I want to risk loving again, yes! Part of me wants to cling tightly to my husband, mom, kids and family members. I want to be with them all the time as if my very presence will keep them here. Then the Holy Spirit slowly pries my fingers off and lovingly reminds me that I'm delusional and only He can protect like that.

Then He reminds me of Psalm 62 "one thing have you spoken, two things have I heard. That you O God are loving and that you O God are strong." If we trust the LORD because He is loving only we will still live with the delusion that we are the protectors. If we only understand that He is strong then we will be prone to blame him for the bad things that happen declaring his goodness is tainted with a sick power trip. One without the other will only cause us to become disheartened. BUT, when those two truths are married, we become an unstoppable force with the LORD.

The world hates pain. We dull pain in every way imaginable because pain is horrible. But God designed pain to be married to love. He made it so the one goes with the other. With great love comes great pain. Love and Pain are the two strongest emotions of a human being. They both indicate that we are alive. I never understood why someone would start cutting themselves. Now I know that some of these people who hurt themselves intentionally are so full of the dulling influences of our culture and so devoid of true love that the next strongest sensation is pain, it hurts but at least they feel alive.

Many sabotage love at every turn because in essence they are afraid to feel pain. As a result they never truly live and experience the fullness of life. They settle for an imitation that isn't even close to the real thing. This is one reason abortion is so common in our culture.

I admit I'm not a fan of pain. I'd rather not hurt. But in this season where grief is my cloak, I wear it not for attention, not because I'm morbid, but because I loved well and was loved well in return.

True love feels pain.

Our pain is good because it means we have experienced the closest thing to heaven on earth.